So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
