I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
