This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
