My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
