I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize