at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
