Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
