your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
