The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
