I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
