i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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