woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
