i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
