the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm having to shit out rocks
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
