I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
