if only i could text you this smell
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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