Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
