i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
