I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize