if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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