At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
