think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
