you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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