dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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