i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
