He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
