haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
