i already hear my dad disowning me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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