she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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