spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is Oprah even human
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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