You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We are two peas in an std pod
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
