Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
