We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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