great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
