You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
