i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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