My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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