allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
