Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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