yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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