what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
