Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
