as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
