if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
