so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
