I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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