you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
