I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
