am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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