Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
