i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hippo gnu deer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
