Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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