I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
