I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
