my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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