you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
