Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
