why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
