It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
