that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
