Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize