You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize