so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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